Sunday, January 4, 2009

The wind is howling tonight.  We are under another "High Wind Warning" and getting some rainy mix, which is hitting the windows.  I've always loved listening to the wind, especially when I'm tucked into my chair under an afghan.  But I was restless today. 

I went to breakfast bright and early with friends and hopped into my Scary Loaner Van as soon as we got back.  I headed south. 

As I've mentioned, there is much going on in my life--so what else is new?  This stress is not "good" stress, unfortunately.  I suppose most years are whirlpools of conflicts and decisions and accomplishments and disappointments.  The impacts of 2008's seem greater, though.  I am muddling through and forging ahead.

That is why I escaped on a cold, January Sunday.  I perused and purchased magazines at Manzanita News, poked around Cart'M, watched the waves and people and their dogs and voracious seagulls and wrote in my journal at the Rockaway wayside.  It was there that I had a mini "aha" moment while reflecting on the past 12 months:  Although I take on the responsibility (and consequences) of my own decisions, I cannot me aculpa for others who have not played fair.  I dealt in good faith;  they cheated.  I can now only try to pull MY pieces together and start a new game. 

The bleakness of today was just what I needed, very monochromatic.  Blue, sunny skies, Hawaiian print shirts and traffic would have been distracting.  Instead, beach goers bundled in winter garb were part of the drab landscape--driftwood, blowing sand, grey/green sea and clouds. 

These are "wintering" cabins--closed, quiet, remembering past years, dreaming and hopeful for the next.