Monday, February 8, 2010

I have moved.  I'm still in CB for the moment, but many people are encouraging me to "get while the getting's good."   Events and experiences of the past two years have taken their tolls, and I am spent.  What do I always say?  "It's only temporary."  "The only constant is change."  Yadda, yadda.

In previous tough times I've been able to latch onto something---job opportunities, my little house, some savings.  This is different, for there are none of those things now.  I'm in this bewildered state most of the time when I'm not panicking or taking deep breaths.  So many things are pulling at me simultaneously. 

The weather is perfect here--we have daffodils out already--and the ocean is a force like nothing I can describe.  Beyond Mother Nature, however, I've found little depth and substance here after six years.  Maybe that is what has finally sapped my energy, gone with the tourists.  Friends are struggling;  businesses are struggling;  everyone is grasping for something to keep them above water.  

Back east, my parents are aging, and it's my turn to step up and help them.  There are also paying jobs in the east, believe it or not.  Columbus and Pittsburgh are under more than two feet of snow right now.  Aye, there's the rub.  

I know that I'm smarter than my decisions in 2008-09 make me appear.  And yet, here I am, shaking my head, reeling, and, yes, bewildered, Starting over this year was not in the plan.  It is now.   As are releasing, reworking and repacking.  I have to be very careful now to hone in on what I feel is right for me, rather than what others--albeit with good intentions--think is best. 

So, the view here is different at the end of my new street.