“Life isn’t a dress rehearsal.”  Somehow, though, I’m getting a third take—another chance, once more with feeling.   For the first time in two years, I feel no sense of disappointment.  The underlying apprehension is gone; the excitement is back.  

Recently, friend Rich sent me another general Michael Lutin ‘scope, the gist of which was, “The old movie is over, and you’re starting a different movie.”  It got me thinking about the concept of “starring in your own life,” since I know other people who are making some changes right now. 

As of this past week, I’ve left Wild Vines wine bar at Sweet Basil’s. Without going into detail, I had to do this for my health and self-respect.  It was déjà vu of Spirited that grew worse to, finally, unbearable. 

The ill-fated ventures of the past two years are now lessons learned, and I got the message loud and clear:  Control your OWN destiny, and Listen to the voice WITHIN.  I’m too gullible to partner with others and too quick to put my feelings aside and give others the benefit.  I’m surprised at the strength and clarity of this message.  I know within that these experiences prepared me for this moment.

There’s a happy ending to the old show.  One Monday, I had decided to go back to Ohio to help my parents.  On Tuesday, a publisher I’d never met offered me a series of freelance projects.  On Wednesday, someone called with another part-time job offer.  On Thursday, someone else had some freelance work.  On Friday, a wine distributor took me up on my suggestion to hire me as their coast rep.   The Universe hasn’t forsaken me, and I guess I’m supposed to stay on the coast for awhile.  I’ll be moving later this month (again!), but I don’t know where—probably a little farther south because of the freelance projects and the wine rep job.

I’ve been drawn to “stars” lately (even as the shapes in these rhododendrons,) and purchased a silver star charm to hang in my car.  I stare at them glittering through the skylight.  I’ve been watching Turner Classic Movies in the middle of the night—Fred, Ginger, Bing, Marilyn, Lionel, Katherine, etc.  And yesterday I decided to look up The Star tarot card.  Think I’m back in the flow.  Here’s what Rachel Pollack’s book on Tarot says:  “After the storm, the calm.  When we clear things out in our lives, we feel at ease.  The Fool has faced the Devil, has called down the lightning flash and now enters the realm of the Stars, a place of hope and healing…This card speaks to us of hope, optimism and bright prospects.  She brings calm and confidence in the future.  In crisis or afterward, the Star promises release and a new life.”

Grab some popcorn, and get comfortable.  The movie’s just starting.