December 11, 2011

This is as far as I got with photos yesterday—a tree farm I was visiting for the newspaper. With a list of errands to run (because Friday wasn’t a very good day either) I was, literally, stopped in my tracks at a grocery store by a woman who said my car was “steaming.” The next two hours were spent 1. trying to find an open mechanic’s on Saturday afternoon--40 miles from where I live--and 2. speculating about the cause—hoping that it was only a loose or cracked hose. Turns out it’s a water pump and is not only an expense on which I didn’t count, but one that is out of my realm. I keep getting little nudges from the Universe about how my life needs to change, and they’re getting pushier.

Awhile back I learned to “tune in” to an inner voice about my path that I can’t hear anymore. On the surface it seems that I should be where I am (in the Ohio Valley helping my parents) and doing what I do (reporter/writer/photographer.) The reality (or my sense of it) is that I’m not in balance, which is hard to explain. Hmmmm. Once in a while I’ll encounter something that I know is right for me. It leads to other things, and I’m zipping along on my path with purpose, right where I should be with all the support I need to keep me going—contacts, projects, jobs, money, a house, friends, etc. I’m happy.

Right now, my life is off-track, and what is un-nerving is that I haven’t been able to get my direction back. I feel like I haven’t had that support from the Universe in awhile. I’m worried, but try to stay in the present; I’m geographically isolated and miss hanging out with friends, but I have nowhere else to go and no means to get there; I’m unable to contribute to and help causes and programs to which I used to give freely and can only watch them from the sidelines, struggling. I work for a company that demands much of my time and skill set in exchange for not even quite enough to exist and do my job, let alone pay for a new water pump.

All the while I tell myself that this is only temporary, but almost two years is a long time for me to be lost. I'm just looking forward to finding the clearing and reaching solid ground when things stop falling apart and start falling into place.